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How to Become a Card Dealer

Dear Mark,
I am currently a magazine editor looking to work part time as a dealer, simply for a little extra income and because I would really enjoy it. I am good mathematically, smart, friendly, know all the games inside and out, a college graduate; in short, a very good dealer. How do I break into the business? Any advice? - John W.

Most newbies looking for jobs pitching cardboard get 'em in one of two ways: a) going to a local dealing school and then auditioning, or b) being hired from within, i.e. boosted from some low-level job at ABC casino, like lugging 50 pounds of change strapped to your waist. If you cheerfully survive the mule-service, rarely call in sick, your work history file shows no major boo-boos, and management requires a few new dealers, you may be sent to their in-house college of dealing.

But - and you knew there would be a but - there are exceptions, of which Yours Truly was one. It's known as the Ironing Board method.

I learned on an ironing board from Jerry (who went on to become a gaming control agent for the State of Nevada), then auditioned for a job. Of course, faking it can only go so far when learning on a hot-press table. Initially, like all break-ins, I got the heebie-jeebies if a player happened to bet over 50 cents. That's right folks, my virginal hour dealing BJ was on a 50 game at the Club Cal Neva in downtown Reno.

After my twenty-minute break, I was assigned a dead $2 game. No problem, no bettors. I can do this. Then SLOSHY STAN showed up, feeling no pain, and started betting $5-$25 a hand. Five minutes into his play he got a pair of aces, and then split them.

Huh, mathematically interesting, I thought, punching my memory back to the ironing board, but to no avail; Jerry had never mentioned splitting aces. Actually, a frazzled dealer of ten minds with limited knowledge of the game does not know what to do or pay when a player splits aces.

This crisis situation required drastic measures to avoid total disaster. So I pondered briefly whether to call over a pit boss and look like an idiot, didn't, then pretended to know what I was doing. I made the airy decision that if you split aces and got two face cards as lucky Stan had just done, you just got yourself two blackjacks, so I paid him accordingly. Stan liked me. Oh Yeah!

I was actually paying this unmerited royalty on spilt aces for most of my first shift until an old-time pit boss named Dennis Healy (my all-time favorite old-time pit boss) noticed my generosity and asked, "You're new, right," yeah, I answered. "Is your name Jones?" I replied, yes. Then he asked, "Are you Polish?" Yep, I said proudly. His next words were, "See me on your break."

No slap on the wrist, nothing from Healy, unless you count being put on secret double probation and the demotion to the sole 50 game in the house for the next two months.

So to complete my answer to you, John, get a high-grade ironing board and a watchful roomate willing to spend more than four hours tutoring you.

Gambling Quotes

  • "Life is a gamble, like crossing the road. One day chicken, next day feathers."- Unknown

  • "Having an ATM in a casino is like having a lap-dancer at a Hell's Angels Convention. - McAvoy Layne

  • "Gambling has held human beings in thrall for millennia. It has been engaged in everywhere, from the dregs of society to the most respectable circles."- Peter L. Bernstein

  • Besides lovemaking and singing in the shower, there aren't many human activities where there is a greater difference between a person's self-delusional ability and actual ability than in poker.- Steve Badget

  • "Betting is the only moral thing you can do. It is an intellectual pursuit, as good as The Times crossword. For millions, it is the only uninfluenced democratic decision they take."- Lord Wyatt

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